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Family Members

Although everybody fails at some point, families must determine when support of the individual equals supporting the addiction. Families communicate by every action or inaction toward the individual. Unfortunately, inaction often leaves feelings of guilt or verbal guilt by the addicted individual which often leads back to assistance. The cycle then continues with more guilt until the addicted individual is being supported by the easiest channel available. The assistance cycle is usually not a new concept to any party involved and often, the assister has been told of their role in the unhealthy relationship. Each choice to help the individual negatively overpowers other alternatives. It is the easier, though more destructive, path in a difficult situation.

Out of love for the individual, families have the responsibility to stop assistance. While the addict will inevitably attempt the past cycle of guilt, the end of assistance must be firm and unwavering. Sometimes, the severing of assistance does not clearly communicate the serious situation to the addict. Thus, the final resource available to families must be used.

The family associated with an addict has options. Although a tough decision, the family has the option to stop assistance, and when necessary, sever communication. This step may be necessary if: 1. The addict refuses to accept cessation of support or 2. Any of the supporting family members can not cease monetary support when communication is open. While harsh, the family must recognize the need to communicate loudly enough to the addict the disapproval of the addiction. Some might suggest other means by which the message could be communicated, however, the message is lost when assistance is given or communication is open. Families unknowingly may be allowing the addict to continue, without consequence, the behavior which creates an unhealthy relational system.

The family of an addict must recognize the attempt to control the situation by the addict. These attempts are not limited to guilt, false accusations, and physical threats. The truth however, families who rationally respond to the negative actions control the situation. One of life's lessons recalls, "we may not be able to choose what happened, but we can choose our response." Thus, empowerment by ceasing support in the situation will knock the cycle of guilt off course, and even more-so when ceasing communication. The priority and ultimate goal is to bring family members into a healthy system of interdependence, where each person is valued and gives input rather than a system of codependency. Out of love for the individual and respect for the relationship, the family must choose to derail the unhealthy cycle.